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Grandparents Becoming Parents
A census bureau report released last year indicated that 4.5 million children live in grandparent-headed households. About one-third of these children have no parent there. Researchers report that, at some point, one in 10 grandparents will find themselves raising a grandchild, for at least six months. However, grandparents are caregivers for far longer periods, possibly five years or more. Grandmothers are typically the caregivers. In six percent of the homes, however, the census reported that grandfathers were the sole caregiver.
For most grandparents, returning to the parent role is certainly not what they had planned for their golden years. What a shock to go from the delightful role of being able to spoil one’s grandchildren, to the responsibility of disciplining and raising them. Grandparents often step in after a grandchild’s parent loses contact with the child or ends up in jail. The most common causes that lead to parents being unable to care for their children involve substance abuse, teenage pregnancy, divorce, and mental illness. Other grandparents assume responsibility when a child’s parents die.
Not too surprisingly, grandparents face major challenges in all aspects of their lives when they assume the role of a parent. A major problem is having enough money to feed and raise more dependents. Many caregiving grandparents are living on fixed incomes, having an annual income of $18,000, half that of a traditional two-parent home. Most overburdened grandparents don’t know that some help is available through a program called Temporary Assistance to Needy Families. To find out if it exists in your state, and what other financial options might be available, call your Social Security Office or Area Agency on Aging. These agencies can be found in the blue pages of the phone book. Grandparents who are acting as caregivers can also contact the National Family Caregiver Support Program. Under this program, you must be 60 or older to apply for these services.
If grandparents are not the legal custodians or guardians of their grandchildren, they may find it hard to secure the basic services their grandchildren need. This often requires legal documents. Getting these may be a time consuming, expensive, and emotionally exhausting process. One must have an attorney. When it comes to custody issues, adoption is the most difficult, requiring that the parent(s) must relinquish their legal rights. If parents won’t voluntarily relinquish custody, the parent must be declared incompetent in a court proceeding. During the adoption process, the child becomes a temporary ward of the state until the legal proceedings are completed.
When trying to raise their grandchildren, the most common questions
grandparents ask are:
What are my legal and financial rights?
Do grandparents have rights if they are not legal guardians?
Can their parent(s) just show up some day and take my grandchildren
back?
Each state has different laws on these individual issues. For information
on visitation, custody, and adoption
or to get a copy of the laws in your state, Contact:
Grandparents United For Children’s Rights, Inc
137 Larkin St. Madison, WI 53705-5115
Phone 608-238-5115
After many years, grandparents, who suddenly find themselves returning
to childcare, may experience a wide variety
of emotions. Feelings of guilt, helplessness and isolation are very
common. Grandparents also have to deal with their grandchildren’s anxieties
about being separated from their biological parent(s).
Grandparent’s physical health can also be affected by the stress of caring for young children. They often neglect their own physical and emotional health, because they give top priority to their grandchildren’s needs. This can result in a grandparent’s worst nightmare, becoming incapacitated and unable to give their grandchildren the nurturing they need.
Grandparents across the country are finding support groups to be a wonderful source for information and friendship. Groups seem to work best, when grandchildren have activities to do, while their grandparents meet. Your local Area Agency on Aging can tell you what support groups if any are in your region. For those grandparents who live in places that don’t have a support group, there are Internet chat rooms that connect grandparents raising grandchildren 24 hours a day.
Finally, I want to say to grandparents, who are raising grandchildren, there is help out there if you need it. This important issue is beginning to be put on the front burner. The scope of the problem was first nationally acknowledged in 1995,when the White House Conference on Aging made grandparents raising grandchildren one of its top priorities. The good news is that more resources and written material on this subject are becoming available every day.
Here is a book that does an excellent job on this topic:
To
Grandma's House, We...Stay : When You...By Sally Houtman
Some helpful websites are:
Generations Unlimited
AARP Grandparent Information
Center
Grand Parent Again
Grands Place
Grandparents